I am now settling into French life and I
would like to think my French is slowly improving! My family confirmed this by
telling me my French was so much better than before but it was a slightly
backhanded comment in my opinion as they added how terrible it was at the start
(note to self teach yourself French tapes don’t work). I befriended a woman at
a market the other day who was properly impressed with my French skills. She
didn’t seem to notice I was mostly just smiling along to most of what she said
but I got the gist. At one point though I swear she was telling me to jump in a
fountain and wash myself to cool down. There are of course the odd mistakes,
for instance yesterday I asked the dad in front of the whole family at dinner
what time he was getting dressed at in the morning instead of the more normal
and socially acceptable question of what time he was getting up at (god knows
what they thought I wanted to know that information for).
It is also very difficult always trying to
explain things for instance I made a treasure hunt for the children the other
day. Explaining that was quite a mission. The children just sat around the
table looking at the pieces of paper with completely blank faces and repeating
‘je ne comprends pas’.
I have also found that the best weapon when
it comes to the four year old is sweets. Now I know everyone knows that
children like sweets but this boy likes them a lot a lot. Basically sweets will
make him do whatever you want – so when he misbehaves or won’t listen to me I
just give him a sweet and he literally chances from Jekyll to Mr Hyde in an
instance. I understand that for his parents the fact I reward him in this way
is probably not the best disciplining tactic. But I figure I am only with him
for another month and hey it works. The likelihood of him putting on noticeable
amounts of weight are unlikely and they can deal with any longtime effects when
I’m gone. So for now I ensure I never leave the house without a bag or two of
suggery treats.
Even with sweets the four year old is still
somewhat of a challenge. He still enjoys peeing in public: this week it was in
the middle of a water park in a paddling pool. The scene is not difficult to
imagine: him naked peeing, lots of people about, and me running over screaming
noooo. He also likes to blame anyone else but himself when something goes
wrong. Whenever he hurts himself or loses on the WII it is of course my fault
(he likes to tell his parents of all the awful things I do). I was with him in
the garden the other day and his parents were having a drink there too and he
tripped and fell, I was about five metres away from him, but he immediately
blamed me. Despite me, and his parents explaining to him that there was no way
it could possibly have been my fault he was still adamant it was all me. As if
I am the problem!
This week though, the four year old has
been the least of my problems, as it all kicked off with the girls. Basically
they have been very quiet with me the past week and the children on the whole
like to whisper a lot very quickly in French (knowing of course I have no
chance of understanding) so I got understandably paranoid and told the parents.
Who then through miscommunication (language barrier never helps) told the girls
I had said they were not being nice. The two girls then decided to confront me
about this while I was driving the land rover, demanding very quickly and
angrily in French why I had said they were ‘pas-gentil’. This ended with some
atrocious French from me and a very awkward thirty minutes in the car. With the
result being that I told the girls I thought they didn’t like me and them
ensuring me they ‘loved me’. The Dad then stepped in to intervene via the
Iphone and the girls were then nice to me. So now I am in a situation where
they are not being horrible and nice to me but I am sure they are being bribed
by their father. Oh my.
To rectify issues, the father decided we
should all go bowling. This turned out to be quite enjoyable for everyone as I
got to dress up like an idiot and wear funny shoes (this is not necessary may I
add). And enjoyable for the children as they got to laugh at my top knot and my
appalling bowling skills. I never thought I was a bowling champion but I
presumed I would be average. However, I thought wrong, as it turns out I am the
worst bowler in history. Put it this way the four year old beat me and I was
genuinely trying. The good news is children always love a loser which did ease
any tension in the air.
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| the childrens' photography skills are something to be desired but you get the idea! |
Another interesting week then for me! But the
best news of all is the pears and apples are now ready. I reckon the family
could pay me in fruit and I would be happy…
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| there are about a thousand of these in the back garden ;-) |
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